For those who have followed me over the years, they know how devastated I was when I left the running biz, add to that the coping with my arthritis, you can imagine how depressed I've been...and to a point still am. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am back in Carrboro, NC, working for Fleet Feet Sports. I am the new manager of the store in Carrboro, which is the flagship store for the company. I've been on the job almost a week. When last here, it was over a year ago, and I was in the Leadership Development Program, ready to tackle the store in Vancouver, WA. So coming back here is a very familiar feel, though there are still things to learn.
Never underestimate the power of people who believe in you. My friend Ben is the Operating Partner of the store, and he needed help. He also knew how much I missed the industry. While I am so happy to be working, I'm even happier to have a friend who is saw a chance for me to begin my road to happiness again.
Portland, OR is a wonderful place, and I loved living out there. I am also appreciative for the few months I worked at Foot Traffic. The folks there work hard, have fun, and bring a great spirit to everything they do. My problem was, no matter what I did, I could not get over the negativity that happened. I saw it as I watched people run. I saw it when read about races. I dealt with it as tech reps would talk to me about Fleet Feet. The pain was horrible.
Ben knows me pretty well, and knew what I needed - a fresh start, and back with family. While it breaks my heart to end the dream that Mark and I had, we can start over, and create a plan for our next goal. Many of you know Portland was our ultimate destination. I think that is what has made the last few months so difficult. It seemed almost cruel that we had it, and now had to leave it.
I have been welcomed back in Carrboro with open arms, lots of smiles, a few laughs, and a ton of love. I'm so glad to be back.
The staff I have is a good group, and my boss is pretty good as well :-)
I look forward to the challenges ahead, and what the future brings. I feel I am in the road again.
Charlie
Friday, June 01, 2018
Thursday, April 05, 2018
The Gym
Today I hit the gym for the first time since I got the ExoSym. I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I did a combination of steady pace work and inclines. The point of the exercise is to maintain a good pace and keep good form.
By form, I need to use my core more, and not throw my butt back when I go up an incline. Usually, we kind of throw our butts out when we go up. A stronger core means you don't do that.
I covered .94 miles in the 30 minutes. I have to remember I'm not doing this as distance, like race training. I do want to increase what I can do as I get stronger and faster.
I felt very good today. My right leg is being used in ways it never has. I get to do more with it and use it more. I was limited in the past, because of stiffness and pain.
Not ready to tap dance yet, but I am feeling good, and learning more and more about what I can do with the ExoSym.
Charlie
By form, I need to use my core more, and not throw my butt back when I go up an incline. Usually, we kind of throw our butts out when we go up. A stronger core means you don't do that.
I covered .94 miles in the 30 minutes. I have to remember I'm not doing this as distance, like race training. I do want to increase what I can do as I get stronger and faster.
I felt very good today. My right leg is being used in ways it never has. I get to do more with it and use it more. I was limited in the past, because of stiffness and pain.
Not ready to tap dance yet, but I am feeling good, and learning more and more about what I can do with the ExoSym.
Charlie
Friday, March 30, 2018
ExoSym - Life Begins
Today is my last day at the clinic. I've gotten a good start on what I need to do to be successful with the ExoSym. The rest is up to me. Some things are clear as I venture back to my life: 1) a reason for getting this was so I could be more mobile. I will be. Once you get the hang of things, ExoSym is not cumbersome, but a blessing of mobility. 2) CORE, CORE, CORE - to be successful you need a strong core. I need to lose weight, and a stronger core comes with that. I'm ready for more core related exercise. 3) Only one holding me back is me. With this brace, I can overcome the "it hurts to be out there." Now I can head out for a walk and later do more.
It's exciting to know what I can do with the ExoSym. Everyone at the clinic has been great, supportive, and eager for me to succeed. So now I go begin the life.....
Charlie
It's exciting to know what I can do with the ExoSym. Everyone at the clinic has been great, supportive, and eager for me to succeed. So now I go begin the life.....
Charlie
Thursday, March 29, 2018
ExoSym - Emotional Day
Today was an emotional and sobering day for me. This week, I've met people who have come to this clinic, like me, with the hope and the promise that we can lead better, more mobile lives. I've seen families, elderly people, veterans, sports enthusiasts, and just the average joe.
Today though felt like I had come full circle in life. I started life alone, and in surgery to correct my Clubbed Feet. My parents went through a lot of expense and effort to get me to walk as normally as possible. I've thought a lot about that this week. I remember Mom and I going to every long ass appointment to see Dr. Dingley, and how cold and antiseptic he was. I remember how mean I thought he was to tell me I would be in a wheel chair and not able to walk by the time I was the age I am now. I remember going to a specialist in Miami, who backed up what Dr. Dingley had told us, that removing and fusing bone in my right foot was my only hope.
I thought about the pain and stiffness my feet have been in almost everyday of my life. I thought about how Mark encouraged me to take this chance, even thought I could hear my Dad's voice telling me, "That's a lot of money to be spending on something that might not work." Most of all during my workout, I thought about how my Mom would have been with me today, if she was still with us, encouraging me to walk the balance beam course I did today. She would probably be taking photos of this experience(not that she would share them, just to keep).
I felt alone today. I felt like that scared kid who had to be the center of a doctors consultation as the mean Dr. Dingley used me like a PowerPoint presentation to explain how what he wanted to do to me was a revolution. I wanted my mom with me.
Yes, it's silly that a 55 year old man would want his Mom with him, but she was always with me on these things. I started this journey alone, and today it felt I was going it alone.
Don't get me wrong, Mark is very supportive, and he did want to be here. We just couldn't leave the dogs at the kennel a week. I appreciate his support in this, and he knows everything I've done.
I sat in the clinic at the end of my session today, tearing up, as I wished I could have shared this with my Mom.
Tomorrow is my last day here, and then I head home to Mark and the dogs. I will continue working on getting stronger and getting better with this device.
Charlie
Today though felt like I had come full circle in life. I started life alone, and in surgery to correct my Clubbed Feet. My parents went through a lot of expense and effort to get me to walk as normally as possible. I've thought a lot about that this week. I remember Mom and I going to every long ass appointment to see Dr. Dingley, and how cold and antiseptic he was. I remember how mean I thought he was to tell me I would be in a wheel chair and not able to walk by the time I was the age I am now. I remember going to a specialist in Miami, who backed up what Dr. Dingley had told us, that removing and fusing bone in my right foot was my only hope.
I thought about the pain and stiffness my feet have been in almost everyday of my life. I thought about how Mark encouraged me to take this chance, even thought I could hear my Dad's voice telling me, "That's a lot of money to be spending on something that might not work." Most of all during my workout, I thought about how my Mom would have been with me today, if she was still with us, encouraging me to walk the balance beam course I did today. She would probably be taking photos of this experience(not that she would share them, just to keep).
I felt alone today. I felt like that scared kid who had to be the center of a doctors consultation as the mean Dr. Dingley used me like a PowerPoint presentation to explain how what he wanted to do to me was a revolution. I wanted my mom with me.
Yes, it's silly that a 55 year old man would want his Mom with him, but she was always with me on these things. I started this journey alone, and today it felt I was going it alone.
Don't get me wrong, Mark is very supportive, and he did want to be here. We just couldn't leave the dogs at the kennel a week. I appreciate his support in this, and he knows everything I've done.
I sat in the clinic at the end of my session today, tearing up, as I wished I could have shared this with my Mom.
Tomorrow is my last day here, and then I head home to Mark and the dogs. I will continue working on getting stronger and getting better with this device.
Charlie
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
ExoSym - The Struggle
It would be naive to think that all goes well once you get a device which you are told will help you. There is a lot of struggle in getting to that place. That is today. As the therapist told me, today was Glute day. When you don't have a strong core, and you need one for the ExoSym, Glute day is a bad day. For 3 hours, I did crunches, squats, pulls, anything requiring me to focus on the Glute area, and pull myself forward. Not easy. I take comfort there was a 70 year old woman doing this with me, and suffering along....or should I be comforted in that?
The next issue is shoes. Anyone who knows about my running knows I wear a neutral shoe and supinate like nobody's business. The Brooks Dyad and the NB 880 are my go to shoes. Mostly because they come in 8/5 4E. Ryan told me I need a neutral shoe....and yet....he recommended to the NB 990.
Now my running biz friends are going to shake their heads in confusion, smirk a bit, and ask, "Is he kidding?" Nope he is dead serious, He tried to tell me it's a neutral shoe which will make me stable. The NB 990 is a sturdy stability shoe, bordering on motion control. It for those who over pronate. I supinate. Typically this kind of shoes would pull me further to the outside.
This is what I explained to Ryan, to which he told me that I would not be a supinator anymore....well that is true on the right foot, but what about the left I wondered? Next up was the size....who's ready for this...drum roll..... 9 6E!!! There's wide, extra wide, and Sweet Jesus Wide! I have to wear a size 9 Sweet Jesus Wide.
The running shoe guy in me is NOT convinced this will work, as I harped on this to Dallas, the poor, guy at the South Sound Running Store I ventured to today. He told me he agreed with me, but found the 990.
Folks this is a shoe I always told my staff was ideal for anyone over the age of 65, because that was about the only person who would ask for it. Grrrrrrr.....
Now, it would be easy to tell me to suck it up. When you have spent the money I have this week, you want to be sure you are in the right shoes.Pray for me as I give this shoe a try.
The struggle is real today.
Charlie
The next issue is shoes. Anyone who knows about my running knows I wear a neutral shoe and supinate like nobody's business. The Brooks Dyad and the NB 880 are my go to shoes. Mostly because they come in 8/5 4E. Ryan told me I need a neutral shoe....and yet....he recommended to the NB 990.
Now my running biz friends are going to shake their heads in confusion, smirk a bit, and ask, "Is he kidding?" Nope he is dead serious, He tried to tell me it's a neutral shoe which will make me stable. The NB 990 is a sturdy stability shoe, bordering on motion control. It for those who over pronate. I supinate. Typically this kind of shoes would pull me further to the outside.
This is what I explained to Ryan, to which he told me that I would not be a supinator anymore....well that is true on the right foot, but what about the left I wondered? Next up was the size....who's ready for this...drum roll..... 9 6E!!! There's wide, extra wide, and Sweet Jesus Wide! I have to wear a size 9 Sweet Jesus Wide.
The running shoe guy in me is NOT convinced this will work, as I harped on this to Dallas, the poor, guy at the South Sound Running Store I ventured to today. He told me he agreed with me, but found the 990.
Folks this is a shoe I always told my staff was ideal for anyone over the age of 65, because that was about the only person who would ask for it. Grrrrrrr.....
Now, it would be easy to tell me to suck it up. When you have spent the money I have this week, you want to be sure you are in the right shoes.Pray for me as I give this shoe a try.
The struggle is real today.
Charlie
Monday, March 26, 2018
ExoSym - Beginning to Walk
The brace takes the pressure off my ankle from HELL. This has been constructed for my foot, and how I will move from this point forward.
It's a very different way to think about walking. The only thing I can compare it to is barefoot running. To move more fluidly, I have to land on my midfoot. Seems easy, but it isn't. To begin the learning process, I had to do various exercises, including walking backwards, doing some lateral moves and being strapped to weights and walking. For the next few days I will be doing PT work 2-4 hours day before I head home on Friday.
It was exciting to first put the brace on. It does feel different, and it will take a while to get used to it. I think what is hard for me, which I now realize, is this is how things will be for the foreseeable future. This is my attempt to be mobile, and not deal with surgeries and replacements.
I'll be posting all week, and sharing what I do each day.
Charlie
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Tomorrow
Tomorrow I begin a five day process of getting the ExoSym and learning how to use it. Excited and nervous is an understatement for how I feel. I want to spend a few minutes explaining how this is important to me.
As I have detailed, I was born with clubbed feet. My early childhood was spent in wearing braces at night and wearing corrective shoes, which were clunky and ugly. I would watch kids around me wear any shoes they wanted, and I had to wear shoes someone's grandmother would wear. Now, that seems like a silly thing to be upset about, but I felt like the odd kid out and hated it.
As I got a bit older, my mom took me to ballet class, so I could learn to strengthen my legs and feet. As you can imagine, I was the only boy in class, which at the time didn't bother me. I loved dancing, but again I was the odd kid out. None of my friends took ballet.
My youth was spent with many visits to the orthopedic doctor, who was very cold and business like. He always painted a picture that I was doomed to be in a wheel chair at some point in my life. He insisted I not participate in gym or sports, but wanted me to be active. It seemed like an oxymoron. Again, I was the odd one out.
To be honest, the only thing I wanted was Hush Puppies shoes. I wanted out of the orthopedic shoes. I wanted to be like other kids. My mom did the mom thing, and tell me that I was special and it was better to stand out. She clearly did not go to school in the 70s and 80s. Kids are brutal.
After a corrective surgery on my right foot when I was in middle school, I was told I could wear regular shoes. No more corrective shoes or Earth Shoes. I could wear Chuck Taylors - and I did.
As time has gone on, and I have learned about shoes, I have known what works and what doesn't, and my running finally gave me the feeling I was like everyone else.
Arthritis though has brought everything back to that sad time for me. This is why the ExoSym is so important for me. I need to feel like I can do what everyone else can do. Ironically, I've been told I will be wearing different shoes with this brace, but this time it's ok. I will be mobile.
So much begins for me tomorrow.
Charlie
As I have detailed, I was born with clubbed feet. My early childhood was spent in wearing braces at night and wearing corrective shoes, which were clunky and ugly. I would watch kids around me wear any shoes they wanted, and I had to wear shoes someone's grandmother would wear. Now, that seems like a silly thing to be upset about, but I felt like the odd kid out and hated it.
As I got a bit older, my mom took me to ballet class, so I could learn to strengthen my legs and feet. As you can imagine, I was the only boy in class, which at the time didn't bother me. I loved dancing, but again I was the odd kid out. None of my friends took ballet.
My youth was spent with many visits to the orthopedic doctor, who was very cold and business like. He always painted a picture that I was doomed to be in a wheel chair at some point in my life. He insisted I not participate in gym or sports, but wanted me to be active. It seemed like an oxymoron. Again, I was the odd one out.
To be honest, the only thing I wanted was Hush Puppies shoes. I wanted out of the orthopedic shoes. I wanted to be like other kids. My mom did the mom thing, and tell me that I was special and it was better to stand out. She clearly did not go to school in the 70s and 80s. Kids are brutal.
After a corrective surgery on my right foot when I was in middle school, I was told I could wear regular shoes. No more corrective shoes or Earth Shoes. I could wear Chuck Taylors - and I did.
As time has gone on, and I have learned about shoes, I have known what works and what doesn't, and my running finally gave me the feeling I was like everyone else.
Arthritis though has brought everything back to that sad time for me. This is why the ExoSym is so important for me. I need to feel like I can do what everyone else can do. Ironically, I've been told I will be wearing different shoes with this brace, but this time it's ok. I will be mobile.
So much begins for me tomorrow.
Charlie
Thursday, March 22, 2018
ExoSym - The Prototype
Yesterday I headed back to the Hanger Clinic, where a prototype of my ExoSym was waiting for me to try. Ryan wanted to be sure everything was good, and no alterations needed to be made before the finished product is complete.
I really wasn't sure what to expect as I tried it on. It was amazing! It felt good, and as I tried walking, Ryan explained I would need to re-learn how to walk with this device. I felt no stiffness or pain as I walked. In fact, there was a spring I've never felt. Once we took it off, I felt like I was plodding along.
The key to walking with this, will come with using my core. I walked several back and forths trying to utilize my core more, and I can tell I have a lot of work to do. Once I have it though, I need to really work on a strong core.
Monday I head back to get my ExoSym and begin the PT/learning process.
Charlie
I really wasn't sure what to expect as I tried it on. It was amazing! It felt good, and as I tried walking, Ryan explained I would need to re-learn how to walk with this device. I felt no stiffness or pain as I walked. In fact, there was a spring I've never felt. Once we took it off, I felt like I was plodding along.
The key to walking with this, will come with using my core. I walked several back and forths trying to utilize my core more, and I can tell I have a lot of work to do. Once I have it though, I need to really work on a strong core.
Monday I head back to get my ExoSym and begin the PT/learning process.
Charlie
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
ExoSym - The Casting
What you see in the picture is a fiberglass cast which was molded around my foot and leg. Look chic! Tomorrow I will try on a prototype of what will be my brace. After that the ExoSym is made, and I return to the clinic next week to get it, and to go through PT on how to use it, and get started using it.
This is the only clinic which fits people for this brace, and most of the people who have had it are men and women in the military who have suffered horrible injuries, but amputation is not an option for them.
While I was waiting for the cast to dry, I watched a group of Israeli soldiers working on their PT and gaining their strength. People come from all over the world for this, and have had much success with the brace. I am excited at the prospect of this helping me.
Ryan Blanck who created this is fitting me for it, and could not be nicer. He has created something wonderful which has given mobility to so many people. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Charlie
Friday, March 09, 2018
Rebel Reliever
This is the first step of a process I am trying. Many people have expressed their opinion that I should be having surgery. There are many reasons as to why I don't want to go through surgeries at this time.
Brace Yourself, a brace store in Portland, was so good to help me. They got a representative of the company to come in and fit and re-fit me for the brace. We also will meet to make sure things are working as they should.
Using this is a process. I used to recommend to people trying orthodics a few hours a day until you are used to it. The brace is the same thing. Yesterday I wore it for 3 hours. Today I get to use it for 4-5 hours. It's a slow build to all day.
Next up - ExoSym
Charlie
Wednesday, March 07, 2018
The Road to Mobility
Every journey I have taken over the last decade+ has been a Road to.... this one is no different. This one is the Road to Mobility. In my last post I detailed how the issues I was born with have turned into OsteoArthritis, leaving me in a great deal of pain when I move. Note, I don't mean run or walk, I mean move. I can't even cross my left leg as the Arthritis is so painful.
I am taking action to get moving again. The doctor and I feel braces are the key to my success, as opposed to serious operations, or amputation(which was discussed). I am going to use two different braces. Tomorrow I will take ownership of an off loading brace for my left knee. Off loading means the brace is configured in a way which will pull the bones rubbing together apart, and allow me to move with considerably less pain(or no pain). I was fitted last week, and I could tell from the moment I put it on so much relief. The brace company is configuring one for me.
The other brace is a bit more complicated, but then again, we are talking about my right foot, which has been a mess from the day I came into this world. A certain brace was highly recommended by my doctor, alas the insurance company has said they won't pay for it. For a while they prevented me from even getting it on my own. It's called the ExoSym. As you'll note in the video, this is quite the device.
I've been in contact with Ryan Blanck, the creator of the brace, he believes strongly this will give me mobility like I have not experienced before.
My doctor and I think we can be success in an appeal to get the insurance to pay for part of the brace, but I am still going ahead with this. In fact, I got the thumbs up today, and dates for fitting have been set.
Does all of this mean I can run at some point? I don't know, but I do know I want to be pain free, or at least in less pain as I move.
I will talk more about this as I get closer to the fitting in a few weeks.
Many people have reached out to me about operations and why I'm not trying those? Part of the reason is I can't be out of work for the extended period of time that recovery and PT would demand for a replacement, and it is not just one area, it would be more than one replacement. I'm trying to become a tour director, and my success depends on me being available for tours and mobile. This made the most sense to me.
We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about this and ready for this new road to begin.
Charlie
I am taking action to get moving again. The doctor and I feel braces are the key to my success, as opposed to serious operations, or amputation(which was discussed). I am going to use two different braces. Tomorrow I will take ownership of an off loading brace for my left knee. Off loading means the brace is configured in a way which will pull the bones rubbing together apart, and allow me to move with considerably less pain(or no pain). I was fitted last week, and I could tell from the moment I put it on so much relief. The brace company is configuring one for me.
The other brace is a bit more complicated, but then again, we are talking about my right foot, which has been a mess from the day I came into this world. A certain brace was highly recommended by my doctor, alas the insurance company has said they won't pay for it. For a while they prevented me from even getting it on my own. It's called the ExoSym. As you'll note in the video, this is quite the device.
I've been in contact with Ryan Blanck, the creator of the brace, he believes strongly this will give me mobility like I have not experienced before.
My doctor and I think we can be success in an appeal to get the insurance to pay for part of the brace, but I am still going ahead with this. In fact, I got the thumbs up today, and dates for fitting have been set.
Does all of this mean I can run at some point? I don't know, but I do know I want to be pain free, or at least in less pain as I move.
I will talk more about this as I get closer to the fitting in a few weeks.
Many people have reached out to me about operations and why I'm not trying those? Part of the reason is I can't be out of work for the extended period of time that recovery and PT would demand for a replacement, and it is not just one area, it would be more than one replacement. I'm trying to become a tour director, and my success depends on me being available for tours and mobile. This made the most sense to me.
We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about this and ready for this new road to begin.
Charlie
Friday, February 16, 2018
Where I Am Now!
I have not written in a very long time, mostly out of lack of things to say, and too much to say, all at the same time. I do want to get this out there today, so please bear with me.
For people who have read this blog, you already know, for the others, I was born with Clubbed Feet. For those who aren't clear, here is what I was born with:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/clubfoot/symptoms-causes/syc-20350860
"Clubfoot describes a range of foot abnormalities usually present at birth (congenital) in which your baby's foot is twisted out of shape or position. In clubfoot, the tissues connecting the muscles to the bone (tendons) are shorter than usual. Clubfoot is a fairly common birth defect and is usually an isolated problem for an otherwise healthy newborn.Clubfoot describes a range of foot abnormalities usually present at birth (congenital) in which your baby's foot is twisted out of shape or position. In clubfoot, the tissues connecting the muscles to the bone (tendons) are shorter than usual. Clubfoot is a fairly common birth defect and is usually an isolated problem for an otherwise healthy newborn."
As an infant I had tendons removed from both my legs in an effort to straighten my feet. The left foot took to it, but the right foot didn't. Years later, in my teens, I had surgery which removed bones from my right foot. I was able to have a straighter foot, but at a cost, lack of range of motion.
At the time I was given a grim diagnosis, that I could be wheelchair bound in my 50s. This horrified me, but had no guidance on how to avoid this. As you all know I took to running in my 40s. Clearly I loved it. I loved it for many reasons. Mostly, I loved it, because it made me feel normal in a world with people with normal feet.
While it bothered me how I looked as I ran, I got over that, and just ran, and loved the act of running. Running has always been painful for me, as I was told that the surgeries and the way I walk could lead to arthritis.
Several years ago I was told I had a minor form of arthritis in my right foot. No one wanted me to stop running, and was told to run as long as I could. So I have done just that.
Since my heart attack in 2014, my running has been more sporadic. I had a difficult time getting back into it, as medicines have affected how I run. In the meantime, most of the weight I lost early on returned.
Since last August, my left knee has been in a great deal of pain. It literally hurts to bend it too much. It hurts when I walk, sit, do anything. This week I found out, the problem is a sever form of Arthritis. I've been told I have to lose weight, but at the same time it has to be easier on the knees, so my exercise choices are limited. There is the possibility of surgery if things can't get under control.
I'm extremely depressed over this news. I feel that everything was set in motion from the moment I was born, and am fighting so hard not to be wheelchair bound later. I have another battle now....weight loss and the determination to keep moving. I'll be honest, I don't know what to do, and feel lost. It's all so painful right now.
Mark and I have backed out of this year's Gay Games, as I can't run with any comfort right now. I also don't know if I will be able to run in the future.
I have a lot of work ahead as I navigate this. I just needed to get this out there.
Charlie
For people who have read this blog, you already know, for the others, I was born with Clubbed Feet. For those who aren't clear, here is what I was born with:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/clubfoot/symptoms-causes/syc-20350860
"Clubfoot describes a range of foot abnormalities usually present at birth (congenital) in which your baby's foot is twisted out of shape or position. In clubfoot, the tissues connecting the muscles to the bone (tendons) are shorter than usual. Clubfoot is a fairly common birth defect and is usually an isolated problem for an otherwise healthy newborn.Clubfoot describes a range of foot abnormalities usually present at birth (congenital) in which your baby's foot is twisted out of shape or position. In clubfoot, the tissues connecting the muscles to the bone (tendons) are shorter than usual. Clubfoot is a fairly common birth defect and is usually an isolated problem for an otherwise healthy newborn."
As an infant I had tendons removed from both my legs in an effort to straighten my feet. The left foot took to it, but the right foot didn't. Years later, in my teens, I had surgery which removed bones from my right foot. I was able to have a straighter foot, but at a cost, lack of range of motion.
At the time I was given a grim diagnosis, that I could be wheelchair bound in my 50s. This horrified me, but had no guidance on how to avoid this. As you all know I took to running in my 40s. Clearly I loved it. I loved it for many reasons. Mostly, I loved it, because it made me feel normal in a world with people with normal feet.
While it bothered me how I looked as I ran, I got over that, and just ran, and loved the act of running. Running has always been painful for me, as I was told that the surgeries and the way I walk could lead to arthritis.
Several years ago I was told I had a minor form of arthritis in my right foot. No one wanted me to stop running, and was told to run as long as I could. So I have done just that.
Since my heart attack in 2014, my running has been more sporadic. I had a difficult time getting back into it, as medicines have affected how I run. In the meantime, most of the weight I lost early on returned.
Since last August, my left knee has been in a great deal of pain. It literally hurts to bend it too much. It hurts when I walk, sit, do anything. This week I found out, the problem is a sever form of Arthritis. I've been told I have to lose weight, but at the same time it has to be easier on the knees, so my exercise choices are limited. There is the possibility of surgery if things can't get under control.
I'm extremely depressed over this news. I feel that everything was set in motion from the moment I was born, and am fighting so hard not to be wheelchair bound later. I have another battle now....weight loss and the determination to keep moving. I'll be honest, I don't know what to do, and feel lost. It's all so painful right now.
Mark and I have backed out of this year's Gay Games, as I can't run with any comfort right now. I also don't know if I will be able to run in the future.
I have a lot of work ahead as I navigate this. I just needed to get this out there.
Charlie
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