I was talking with someone at work the other day, and they asked me, as far as heart issues goes, what am I afraid of. I think it's the unknown. They looked at me a bit puzzled, but let me explain.
When you cut yourself, you can, over time see that it's healed. If you break a leg, you have a cast which indicates the bones are in the process of healing. A heart is different.
There it sits inside my chest, and I don't know what it's doing. I don't know what the arteries are doing. When I am aware of something wrong, I think it's a bit late. So there is a lot I have to do to make sure I have a healthy heart. Still, because it hides inside me, and there is nothing visibly showing(not that I want that), I worry about the unknown.
For those who have wondered, I am doing fine for the most part. I have had a couple episodes when I have had to take the nitroglycerin, but am fine. Rehab is going well. I have not run since last week, but I'm not in a rush to do that.
As for that old nemesis stress, I am working on reducing it. That is the toughest thing I have to do. Ironically, it can be a bit stressful to reduce stress. Overall, I feel pretty good. I just worry about the unknown.
Charlie
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
The Road to Recovery: Running
This morning when I checked in at rehab, they asked me if I was ready to ramp things up a bit. I told them I was game and ready to go. Typically this is the routine in rehab: stretch, walk two laps around the room, do resistance training for a few minutes, 15 minutes of cardio, resistance, 15 minutes of cardio, stretch and cool down walk. Today the cardio was back to back, and I could run.
Just to be clear, this is all being monitored, and no, I wasn't running like I used to. This was intervals on the treadmill, strapped to monitors, with the blood pressure check. My walk interval was 3.1mph, my run interval was a 3.6mph, which in terms of time per mile is walking at 18:45 min/mile, and running 16:45 min/mile. I would do one minute walk, and one minute run.
I was nervous as I started. I hadn't run in months, and now I was running after a heart attack. When I switched to the run part of the workout, I felt like I had been cut loose. No blazing speed, but I ran. Of the 15 minutes, I ran about 6 minutes. They asked me to stop at one point, because the monitors were not sending accurate readings, so they had be stop running, and do some brisk walking. Still I ran.
I didn't feel any tightness in the chest. I felt my heart beating, but it wasn't bad. My blood pressure went from 122/64 to 140/66. All was good.
This was an important step in my recovery, and an important step for my mental well being.
The rehab folks asked how I felt at the end, and I told them great. With that, I got a thumbs up and a "See you tomorrow" from them.
Today was a great step on the road to recovery.
Charlie
Just to be clear, this is all being monitored, and no, I wasn't running like I used to. This was intervals on the treadmill, strapped to monitors, with the blood pressure check. My walk interval was 3.1mph, my run interval was a 3.6mph, which in terms of time per mile is walking at 18:45 min/mile, and running 16:45 min/mile. I would do one minute walk, and one minute run.
I was nervous as I started. I hadn't run in months, and now I was running after a heart attack. When I switched to the run part of the workout, I felt like I had been cut loose. No blazing speed, but I ran. Of the 15 minutes, I ran about 6 minutes. They asked me to stop at one point, because the monitors were not sending accurate readings, so they had be stop running, and do some brisk walking. Still I ran.
I didn't feel any tightness in the chest. I felt my heart beating, but it wasn't bad. My blood pressure went from 122/64 to 140/66. All was good.
This was an important step in my recovery, and an important step for my mental well being.
The rehab folks asked how I felt at the end, and I told them great. With that, I got a thumbs up and a "See you tomorrow" from them.
Today was a great step on the road to recovery.
Charlie
Sunday, August 17, 2014
It's What You Do
Over the last month and some odd days, I've had a bit of time to think about life; who we are, what we do, how we live. During this time, I've also read a lot about things going on in the world, and the reactions to the trouble and tragedies out there. Concerning is an understatement in how I feel about the state of the world.
We are living in a troubled time. In the world wars are being fought in the name of religion, when it truly isn't the case. At home, we are living through an ugly period, where the poor get blamed for being poor, the color of our skin still divides us, who we love is challenged, selfishness is celebrated and lack of reason and clarity seem to be ruling the day.
So as I'm recovering from this heart attack, I'm thinking about how I live and what my place in the world is. I wonder about my quality of life, and am I really living my life. Once I do that, a lot of the negative things are put in perspective, and I find I want to do better for myself.
Work has been a source of stress, and this week I was challenged quite a bit. You wouldn't think that would happen on the first week back from a heart attack, but it was. I listened to a good number of unhappy people talk to me about what they don't like about their jobs. I saw a lot of sadness. I was recipient of actions taken by someone I think is pretty miserable at this time. Typically I would get upset too. I didn't this time.
This time I thought about how sorry I feel for them. I thought about how the sadness going on could be overcome. I felt pity towards the person who wasn't good to me. I also felt a certain amount of powerlessness, because I can only control my actions and how I live, and couldn't help these people.
The overriding thought during the recovery has been, it's about what you do with your life. That is what counts. Do you enjoy life? Does what you do bring meaning to you? Are you good to other people? I am more aware than ever that we have a finite time on this planet. This is our shot(unless you are a big believer in reincarnation). We waste so much time being angry, laying blame, being bitter, reliving past mistakes, we forget those actions use up an incredible amount of energy. We would be so much better off, if we could live more in the present, and what we are going to do, then look back, have regrets, and cling to the bad. It's what we do with our lives that makes it better. It really is.
Charlie
We are living in a troubled time. In the world wars are being fought in the name of religion, when it truly isn't the case. At home, we are living through an ugly period, where the poor get blamed for being poor, the color of our skin still divides us, who we love is challenged, selfishness is celebrated and lack of reason and clarity seem to be ruling the day.
So as I'm recovering from this heart attack, I'm thinking about how I live and what my place in the world is. I wonder about my quality of life, and am I really living my life. Once I do that, a lot of the negative things are put in perspective, and I find I want to do better for myself.
Work has been a source of stress, and this week I was challenged quite a bit. You wouldn't think that would happen on the first week back from a heart attack, but it was. I listened to a good number of unhappy people talk to me about what they don't like about their jobs. I saw a lot of sadness. I was recipient of actions taken by someone I think is pretty miserable at this time. Typically I would get upset too. I didn't this time.
This time I thought about how sorry I feel for them. I thought about how the sadness going on could be overcome. I felt pity towards the person who wasn't good to me. I also felt a certain amount of powerlessness, because I can only control my actions and how I live, and couldn't help these people.
The overriding thought during the recovery has been, it's about what you do with your life. That is what counts. Do you enjoy life? Does what you do bring meaning to you? Are you good to other people? I am more aware than ever that we have a finite time on this planet. This is our shot(unless you are a big believer in reincarnation). We waste so much time being angry, laying blame, being bitter, reliving past mistakes, we forget those actions use up an incredible amount of energy. We would be so much better off, if we could live more in the present, and what we are going to do, then look back, have regrets, and cling to the bad. It's what we do with our lives that makes it better. It really is.
Charlie
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Part of the Community
Today was the end of week 1 at work. Saturdays are the days we coach the training program out of our store. The runners/walkers head out for a long run, depending on what they are training for. I go out on the Monon Trail and provide water. This is one of my favorite part of my job, because it really connects me to the running community.
The runners were happy to see me back at work. Some knew of the heart attack, others didn't. I talked for a few minutes before they headed out about how important running had been to my health, and why I believe the heart attack could have been much worse if I hadn't been a runner.
I was on the Monon with the water. Runners were going by; some would wave at me, or give a shout out. Others would eye me suspiciously(why is there a guy with water out on the trail?). My runners were happy I was out. It gave them a chance to rest, ask questions, chat, etc.
At one point an older man came up to me. "Charlie!" he shouted. "I'm so glad you're here. I've wanted to talk to you for a long time now, "he said. I've written about this gentlemen in the last year. In fact it was almost a year ago.
http://running-with-coffee.blogspot.com/2013/09/being-good-samaritan-cost-long-run.html
This was the man I had seen during my run, sitting on the Monon, cradling his foot after a fall. No one had stopped to help him, so I stayed with him until his wife came to get him. I hadn't seen him since that day.
Today he was walking up to me, clearly better. He told me he had broken his ankle that day. It took him a few months to heal. Now he can run, but he isn't running 6-10 miles like he had in the past. Now he's good for 3-4 miles.
He wanted to thank me for staying with him that day. He thought it was a big sacrifice on my part, because I was doing a long run that day, and stopped to help him, thus ending my run that day. I told him I was happy to do it, and was just shocked no one had stopped to check on him.
The conversation turned to shoes and running in general. Towards the end of the talk, he told me he has always appreciated my help, and sends people to see me all the time. He was kind enough to tell me he thinks of my store and me as an important part of the running community. I thanked him, and prepared to take down my water table. He asked if I was going to make this a Saturday thing. I told him I always do. He asked if he could hang out with me some Saturday. Absolutely.
The running community is an amazing community of support. I wish all aspects of it were as nice, but no community is a utopia. It was a good morning though.
Charlie
The runners were happy to see me back at work. Some knew of the heart attack, others didn't. I talked for a few minutes before they headed out about how important running had been to my health, and why I believe the heart attack could have been much worse if I hadn't been a runner.
I was on the Monon with the water. Runners were going by; some would wave at me, or give a shout out. Others would eye me suspiciously(why is there a guy with water out on the trail?). My runners were happy I was out. It gave them a chance to rest, ask questions, chat, etc.At one point an older man came up to me. "Charlie!" he shouted. "I'm so glad you're here. I've wanted to talk to you for a long time now, "he said. I've written about this gentlemen in the last year. In fact it was almost a year ago.
http://running-with-coffee.blogspot.com/2013/09/being-good-samaritan-cost-long-run.html
This was the man I had seen during my run, sitting on the Monon, cradling his foot after a fall. No one had stopped to help him, so I stayed with him until his wife came to get him. I hadn't seen him since that day.
Today he was walking up to me, clearly better. He told me he had broken his ankle that day. It took him a few months to heal. Now he can run, but he isn't running 6-10 miles like he had in the past. Now he's good for 3-4 miles.
He wanted to thank me for staying with him that day. He thought it was a big sacrifice on my part, because I was doing a long run that day, and stopped to help him, thus ending my run that day. I told him I was happy to do it, and was just shocked no one had stopped to check on him.
The conversation turned to shoes and running in general. Towards the end of the talk, he told me he has always appreciated my help, and sends people to see me all the time. He was kind enough to tell me he thinks of my store and me as an important part of the running community. I thanked him, and prepared to take down my water table. He asked if I was going to make this a Saturday thing. I told him I always do. He asked if he could hang out with me some Saturday. Absolutely.
The running community is an amazing community of support. I wish all aspects of it were as nice, but no community is a utopia. It was a good morning though.
Charlie
Monday, August 11, 2014
Stress and How We Deal With It
This is my challenge as I strive towards better health - how do we deal with stress? Deep breathing seems to be a popular suggestion, though if I take too many more breathes, I think I'll get a reputation for having asthma. Today yoga was suggested. I've done yoga before, and I get why people finding it meditative, I don't. I read of a T'ai Chi class at the hospital, but I don't think standing in the "Repulse Monkey" pose is for me. The life coach recommended reading the Bible. I always view the Bible as a textbook, and not a curl up and relax book.
One of my staff told me we can never achieve a stress free life. Even if we were to live on a tropical island paradise, something would stress us out. My response was we live in a society where we live to work. I want to be able to work to live.
I'm not able to talk about the stress I have at work, but it's substantial. So how do you handle the day to day stress, and keep a job? There's the puzzle.
Good friends have given advice. Oddly enough, lawyer and psychologist were not suggested. Plugging away appears to be winning. How far to you plug though until you risk another heart attack? Is it worth it? More to the puzzle.
I wish I could tell you I got a warm welcome back to work, but it wasn't what I thought it would be. I was dealt with....for lack of a better term...crap. So it's hung with me all day. I've spent most of the evening in the bedroom, because I just don't want to deal with things.
I had a long talk with Mark. He gave me hugs. He utter obscenities(not about me). He cooked a pork chop dinner(no applesauce). He was the good partner.
Friday is by my side. She occasionally looks at me, gives me a lick now and then. She's a good dog.
Tomorrow is another chance to do better. I was told in the hospital, and I think this is how I will have to deal with stress. It isn't one day at a time, or even one step at a time. It's one moment at a time.
Charlie
One of my staff told me we can never achieve a stress free life. Even if we were to live on a tropical island paradise, something would stress us out. My response was we live in a society where we live to work. I want to be able to work to live.
I'm not able to talk about the stress I have at work, but it's substantial. So how do you handle the day to day stress, and keep a job? There's the puzzle.
Good friends have given advice. Oddly enough, lawyer and psychologist were not suggested. Plugging away appears to be winning. How far to you plug though until you risk another heart attack? Is it worth it? More to the puzzle.
I wish I could tell you I got a warm welcome back to work, but it wasn't what I thought it would be. I was dealt with....for lack of a better term...crap. So it's hung with me all day. I've spent most of the evening in the bedroom, because I just don't want to deal with things.
I had a long talk with Mark. He gave me hugs. He utter obscenities(not about me). He cooked a pork chop dinner(no applesauce). He was the good partner.
Friday is by my side. She occasionally looks at me, gives me a lick now and then. She's a good dog.
Tomorrow is another chance to do better. I was told in the hospital, and I think this is how I will have to deal with stress. It isn't one day at a time, or even one step at a time. It's one moment at a time.
Charlie
Friday, August 08, 2014
A Month Since.....
It has been a month since I had my heart attack. To say it's been quite a month would be a gross understatement. It's been a learning experience on many levels. First and foremost, I re-learned that our bodies are precious, and we need to take care of them, listen to them, and do right by them. This is what we have and the only life we get(though I still want to come back as an Olympic Athlete next time around).
A crisis like this brings out different things in different people. Some people get incredibly brave and strong. Some retreat and are never sure what to do. Others just go with the flow of the moment, and can be there if you need them. I've encountered all three of these types in my recovery.
We have a tendency to take friendships and relationships of any kind for granted. Then you get a heart attack, and you have time to really think about the people in your life. For the last month I've gotten so many well wishes, acts of kindness, hugs, kisses, notes, texts, in short - I've gotten a lot of love. There are people out there who I had never met before the heart attack, who have shown me much kindness. If I have enjoyed anything about this ordeal, it's the love I have felt.
In thinking about the people in my life, I have to say, I have one of the more eclectic, loving group of friends a person can have. I've said this, and I will say it again, the friends we make each represent little parts of ourselves. Everyone in a situation like this says this, and it is a cliche, but there is so much truth when it is said, "I'm the luckiest person alive to have such wonderful people in my life."
The rehab has been quite the experience. Being the youngest one in the rehab center(of late), I see people a lot older than I am, in a lot worse shape. I'm very fortunate to get the care and treatment I needed as soon as possible, or this could have been much worse.
Still I enjoy the people watching in rehab. There are the 70somethings talking business. There is the woman who works out when I do, and all she does is walk on the treadmill and watch the Today Show. There is the African-American man who calls me buddy, and tells me I look serious, and I mean business. I just smile and nod in agreement. There are the nurses on duty who are absolutely wonderful and attentive. It's fun to watch this all unfold three times a week.
When you have a heart attack, you have to change your lifestyle. I am no exception. Even though I've been a runner, there are still things to I need to do. Sodium seems to be the Devil. They told me to keep my sodium intake to under 2000 mg a day. If My Fitness Pal is correct, I have kept it closer to 1500. I've noticed I don't feel good if I have close to 2000 mg.
The diet I eat, which is different from being on a diet, is an adventure. Fruits and veggies are the key. Meat is limited. Portions are everything. Creativity is a must. In this respect I have turned into my mother. I always love reading cookbooks, now I not only read them more attentively, I am writing recipes down, and cutting out recipes from Bon Appetit. I'm creating a notebook of recipes like mom had.
Farmers Markets are my friends. This is fun. If you have a market in your town - go. If you don't seek one out and go. These are fun, and they open the possibilities to what you can make. The produce is so much better from these markets than the grocery store. The people who sell the produce are so friendly. I am a Farmers Market lover. For the record, this year's sweet corn is like eating sugar off the cob. I've never had such sweet corn in my life.
If I have one obstacle in my way, it's stress. This is the leading factor which led to my heart attack. I have lots of it. I've joked the two places I have stress are home and work. The challenge is to figure how to cope and manage the stress of things. I don't always talk about the issues when they come up. I keep quiet. I've decided to be a bit more vocal, and get things out of me. I doubt this will go over well, but not saying something keeps it inside you, and that isn't always good.
I have to pick and choose my battles. The ones I don't choose, I have to let go. This is tougher at work, because there are a lot of battles. Usually they are around the same theme. This will be a toughie. Any ideas?
Ok, I don't want to write a novel today. I did want to get some thoughts on the last month out. I will end with this.... I go back to work next week. I'm nervous about it, because I don't know how it will go. Fear though can't hold me back. I have a strong support system with all of you, and if I need a Brute Squad, I got plenty of people to call.
Charlie
A crisis like this brings out different things in different people. Some people get incredibly brave and strong. Some retreat and are never sure what to do. Others just go with the flow of the moment, and can be there if you need them. I've encountered all three of these types in my recovery.
We have a tendency to take friendships and relationships of any kind for granted. Then you get a heart attack, and you have time to really think about the people in your life. For the last month I've gotten so many well wishes, acts of kindness, hugs, kisses, notes, texts, in short - I've gotten a lot of love. There are people out there who I had never met before the heart attack, who have shown me much kindness. If I have enjoyed anything about this ordeal, it's the love I have felt.
In thinking about the people in my life, I have to say, I have one of the more eclectic, loving group of friends a person can have. I've said this, and I will say it again, the friends we make each represent little parts of ourselves. Everyone in a situation like this says this, and it is a cliche, but there is so much truth when it is said, "I'm the luckiest person alive to have such wonderful people in my life."
The rehab has been quite the experience. Being the youngest one in the rehab center(of late), I see people a lot older than I am, in a lot worse shape. I'm very fortunate to get the care and treatment I needed as soon as possible, or this could have been much worse.
Still I enjoy the people watching in rehab. There are the 70somethings talking business. There is the woman who works out when I do, and all she does is walk on the treadmill and watch the Today Show. There is the African-American man who calls me buddy, and tells me I look serious, and I mean business. I just smile and nod in agreement. There are the nurses on duty who are absolutely wonderful and attentive. It's fun to watch this all unfold three times a week.
When you have a heart attack, you have to change your lifestyle. I am no exception. Even though I've been a runner, there are still things to I need to do. Sodium seems to be the Devil. They told me to keep my sodium intake to under 2000 mg a day. If My Fitness Pal is correct, I have kept it closer to 1500. I've noticed I don't feel good if I have close to 2000 mg.
The diet I eat, which is different from being on a diet, is an adventure. Fruits and veggies are the key. Meat is limited. Portions are everything. Creativity is a must. In this respect I have turned into my mother. I always love reading cookbooks, now I not only read them more attentively, I am writing recipes down, and cutting out recipes from Bon Appetit. I'm creating a notebook of recipes like mom had.
Farmers Markets are my friends. This is fun. If you have a market in your town - go. If you don't seek one out and go. These are fun, and they open the possibilities to what you can make. The produce is so much better from these markets than the grocery store. The people who sell the produce are so friendly. I am a Farmers Market lover. For the record, this year's sweet corn is like eating sugar off the cob. I've never had such sweet corn in my life.
If I have one obstacle in my way, it's stress. This is the leading factor which led to my heart attack. I have lots of it. I've joked the two places I have stress are home and work. The challenge is to figure how to cope and manage the stress of things. I don't always talk about the issues when they come up. I keep quiet. I've decided to be a bit more vocal, and get things out of me. I doubt this will go over well, but not saying something keeps it inside you, and that isn't always good.
I have to pick and choose my battles. The ones I don't choose, I have to let go. This is tougher at work, because there are a lot of battles. Usually they are around the same theme. This will be a toughie. Any ideas?
Ok, I don't want to write a novel today. I did want to get some thoughts on the last month out. I will end with this.... I go back to work next week. I'm nervous about it, because I don't know how it will go. Fear though can't hold me back. I have a strong support system with all of you, and if I need a Brute Squad, I got plenty of people to call.
Charlie
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
There are Down Days
Yesterday wasn't a good day. The day was promising enough, I went to the gym. That's where it began to go downhill. I was going to do 45 minutes, but I found I got tired. So I worked out for 30 minutes instead. I didn't feel good like I normally do after the gym, but I thought it would pass.
I dropped by work to talk to my assistant manager. He will be on vacation the day I return to work, so I wanted to talk about things going on, so I'm not lost(or too lost) on Day 1. That went fine, but I noticed as we spoke about my boss, my chest started to feel tight. I did as was suggested and sat down for a bit, and that made it feel better. Still I just didn't feel good.
As the afternoon wore on, I felt the tightness come and go. Mark came home in a bad mood from work. Seems he had a bad day too. So the mood at home wasn't great. I felt the elephant sitting on my chest though, and I thought, "Ok, I better take some nitroglycerin." Not a wonderful feeling in the mouth, I must say.
I went into our room, and laid down for a bit, and let the nitro do it's thing. In about 15 minutes I was breathing better. I didn't feel as flush and the tightness was gone.
There was a good thing for the day. I got socks! My good friend Jen Rudd sent me three pairs of coffee themed socks. Now really what is there not to like about that. Jen is a doll, and I clearly need to go spend time with her in California(never fear, I haven't packed nor am I on my way).
Everyone with heart disease has down days. This was simply my first down day since the heart attack. Today is rehab, and I'm going to discuss this with the therapists. I'm also going to hope today is a better day.
Charlie
I dropped by work to talk to my assistant manager. He will be on vacation the day I return to work, so I wanted to talk about things going on, so I'm not lost(or too lost) on Day 1. That went fine, but I noticed as we spoke about my boss, my chest started to feel tight. I did as was suggested and sat down for a bit, and that made it feel better. Still I just didn't feel good.
As the afternoon wore on, I felt the tightness come and go. Mark came home in a bad mood from work. Seems he had a bad day too. So the mood at home wasn't great. I felt the elephant sitting on my chest though, and I thought, "Ok, I better take some nitroglycerin." Not a wonderful feeling in the mouth, I must say.
I went into our room, and laid down for a bit, and let the nitro do it's thing. In about 15 minutes I was breathing better. I didn't feel as flush and the tightness was gone.
There was a good thing for the day. I got socks! My good friend Jen Rudd sent me three pairs of coffee themed socks. Now really what is there not to like about that. Jen is a doll, and I clearly need to go spend time with her in California(never fear, I haven't packed nor am I on my way).
Everyone with heart disease has down days. This was simply my first down day since the heart attack. Today is rehab, and I'm going to discuss this with the therapists. I'm also going to hope today is a better day.
Charlie
Sunday, August 03, 2014
What Led Us to Today
This weekend on Facebook, I've have been profusely thanking an old friend of mine, Keith Dunn, for organizing the opportunity for Mark and I to see Bianca Del Rio. For those not in the know, Bianca Del Rio won this last season's RuPauls Drag Race(one of my most favorite shows). She is a wonderfully funny drag queen.
Keith and I worked together in 1985/86 at the Indiana Repertory Theatre in Indianapolis. We were in the box office and sold tickets, and handled customer issues. I don't believe I ever told this to Keith, but he was my first gay friend to pal around with. Oh trust me, I knew gay people, but at that point I hadn't been out long, and those who were gay were closeted. He not only was my co-worker, but he was my bar buddy. He introduced me to the bars in Indy; The Varsity, Talbott Street, OP's(now Greg's), and I think we might have gone to The Unicorn.
Back then, I enjoyed bars to a point, and then I would get depressed. I felt bad for Keith at the time, because I thought he must of thought I was a mess. I kind of was. Back then I was misdiagnosed as HIV+(but would not know it was a misdiagnosis for 2 years), and I felt very alone. So at certain points in the night, I would feel a bit down. He always did his best to cheer me up.
What you don't know then, is what you know now, and I thought about it this weekend. Who knew almost 30 years ago, that he and I would renew our friendship via Facebook, and he would be instrumental in picking up my spirits after a heart attack. Keith put the word out that I wasn't able to get tickets to the now sold out Bianca Del Rio show.
As it turns out an old friend from his Indy days came through. LaNora Takie works at the bar, and is an old friend of Keith's. She got Mark and me into the show, and also the meet and greet. Yes, we got to meet Bianca Del Rio. I had never met her until I went to the bar Friday night, and I made sure to give her a big hug of thanks. She is a sweetheart.
What I'm getting at is, the people we meet in our lives, we are never really sure what roles they will play in our lives. I find it fascinating that you can lose touch with someone, as I did with Keith, then we meet up via the internet years later, and we are still friends. If my today self went back and told 1985 Charlie that in 2014 he would have a heart attack, and Keith would do something kind to brighten a down time, I think 1985 Charlie would have ignored that and asked, "Di I find a hot guy for a boyfriend." Yeah, I was a bit shallow when I wanted to be.
To some of you, this may seem like a "duh" kind of post, but really, you don't know the roles people truly play in your lives. During the 80s, I went through a lot of sad times, so the friends I had in my life, I treated like family. They were family, and in my mind, still are family. I don't keep in touch with old friends like I should, but I treasure the times we had, and the love and affection we shared. Chances are, we still share that love and affection. It just doesn't always make itself known.
Charlie
Keith and I worked together in 1985/86 at the Indiana Repertory Theatre in Indianapolis. We were in the box office and sold tickets, and handled customer issues. I don't believe I ever told this to Keith, but he was my first gay friend to pal around with. Oh trust me, I knew gay people, but at that point I hadn't been out long, and those who were gay were closeted. He not only was my co-worker, but he was my bar buddy. He introduced me to the bars in Indy; The Varsity, Talbott Street, OP's(now Greg's), and I think we might have gone to The Unicorn.
Back then, I enjoyed bars to a point, and then I would get depressed. I felt bad for Keith at the time, because I thought he must of thought I was a mess. I kind of was. Back then I was misdiagnosed as HIV+(but would not know it was a misdiagnosis for 2 years), and I felt very alone. So at certain points in the night, I would feel a bit down. He always did his best to cheer me up.
What you don't know then, is what you know now, and I thought about it this weekend. Who knew almost 30 years ago, that he and I would renew our friendship via Facebook, and he would be instrumental in picking up my spirits after a heart attack. Keith put the word out that I wasn't able to get tickets to the now sold out Bianca Del Rio show.
As it turns out an old friend from his Indy days came through. LaNora Takie works at the bar, and is an old friend of Keith's. She got Mark and me into the show, and also the meet and greet. Yes, we got to meet Bianca Del Rio. I had never met her until I went to the bar Friday night, and I made sure to give her a big hug of thanks. She is a sweetheart.
What I'm getting at is, the people we meet in our lives, we are never really sure what roles they will play in our lives. I find it fascinating that you can lose touch with someone, as I did with Keith, then we meet up via the internet years later, and we are still friends. If my today self went back and told 1985 Charlie that in 2014 he would have a heart attack, and Keith would do something kind to brighten a down time, I think 1985 Charlie would have ignored that and asked, "Di I find a hot guy for a boyfriend." Yeah, I was a bit shallow when I wanted to be.
To some of you, this may seem like a "duh" kind of post, but really, you don't know the roles people truly play in your lives. During the 80s, I went through a lot of sad times, so the friends I had in my life, I treated like family. They were family, and in my mind, still are family. I don't keep in touch with old friends like I should, but I treasure the times we had, and the love and affection we shared. Chances are, we still share that love and affection. It just doesn't always make itself known.
Charlie
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