On This Day

For an adopted child you get two "birthdays." One of course celebrates the day you were born. The other celebrates the day you gained a family. On Facebook, people generally call it a Gotcha Day. I've never been fond of that term, but it does apply. It's the day that a couple got you, and brought you into their home, and to
be part of their family.

In our family, our mom called it our "anniversary." Anne's and my adoption was always a significant day to our mom. We might have a cake or a gift, but there was always a lot of love in the meaning of that day.

I came into my family on this date in 1963. Joe and Nancy Colpaert adopted me from The Cradle in Evanston, IL, and brought me home to South Bend. Together with my brother David, we were as happy a family as you could imagine. The vague memories, helped by old photographs show a family that knew how to laugh, love, and be together. My best memory was of the last vacation we took as a family to the Pacific Northwest, and up into Canada. My mom loved to tell the story of how we took the train across the country, and I sang the entire trip.

Our world changed in August, 1968 when we lost my brother tragically. You don't lose a son/brother and it not affect your family dynamics, and this did. David was my first loss of that family that brought me home in 1963. You do go on though, and a year later we adopted Anne, a sweet funny baby, who has turned into a wonderful sister.

I've written about my life in various posts, so I don't see a need to re-write any of that today. I want to talk about my sense of loss today, and what I do have. David left us in 1968. Mom died in 1997, which at the time was one of the most painful things I had been through. While I wasn't with David when he died, I sat next to Mom, and did my best to comfort her before she left. This is a scene which played out again a few weeks ago when Dad passed away. I sat at his bedside, and my face was the last face he saw before he passed. The family that gave me the life I have
was now gone.

As I quietly spoke to Dad, I echoed something Anne had text me. I told him to be sure to tell David and Mom I love them.

As sad as I am today, I don't take for granted the love I do have in my life. Anne and I are each other's family, and we will be fine. I have Mark, who has been so good to me over these last few weeks as I process my thoughts and go through my grieving. I have wonderful cousins, amazing friends.

A long time ago I realized we have many families. We have the ones we are born into, the ones we are adopted into, and then there
are the families we form. All of them are special and unique.
As I take stock in this day, I realize that while my initial family is much smaller, my life family is large and wonderful, and I love both.

This year it hurts to celebrate my anniversary, but I will observe it, and know that my family is with me.... no matter where they are.

Charlie