Today was hilly, and I mean hilly and rolly. Yikes. Physically it was a challenge, but add what was in my head, there were a few challenges going on.
My cousin Nancy died this week. This is a heartbreaking loss for me. As a boy, Nancy was my favorite cousin. In my mind, she was learned traveler, who had studied and traveled in Europe. She was a free spirit as far as I knew what that was back then. To her, I wasn't just Charlie, I was "Chalie Chalie" has she would say from time to time.
She and my mother shared the same name. Both were highly intelligent women. Both traveled. Both went through a period of incredible hardship and suffering. Both were women I looked up to. Now, they are both gone by Cancer.
My best memories of Nancy were when I was pretty young. I don't even want to guess how old I was. I do know I was old enough to go on a trip without my parents to my uncle's farm in Illinois. Nancy came to get me in South Bend, and we went on an adventure - road trip variety.
I remember we chatted all throughout the drive, and at one point I had seen a sign I had seen many times before, advertising a road stop restaurant - like a Stuckey's. Those weren't places my folks normally took us, and I really wanted to see it. I asked, and Nancy said, "Of course we can." Of course??? WOW!!!!
We stopped, and I seem to remember us ordering milk shakes. Probably the best milk shake I ever had. Nancy always had a smile when she was with me, and I remember it big as anything from my being in this cool place having a milk shake, and no parents around.
That visit was great, because I got to have the farm, my uncle and aunt, my grandmother and my cousin Nancy all to myself. The farm was always a fascinating place to me as a kid. I got to see cows up close. I could explore the farm that had been in my mom's family when she was a girl. I also didn't have to share any of this with my parents or my other cousins. This was my trip.
Nancy and I spent a great deal of time talking. I loved to talk to adults as a kid, but this was special, because she would tell me stories of her time in Europe - HEAVEN! At the end of this trip, my parents came down, spend a few days, and the visit was like our usual ones. I was just so glad to have that special visit all on my own - thanks to Nancy.
I thought about this trip, and that special time with her on my run this morning. I tried to block out the heartache I felt when she went through the horrible ordeal with her ex-husband, and how that changed her.
She was also the first member of my extended family I came out to, and she made it clear that to her, I was the same person. I was still "Chalie Chalie." I treasured my relationship with Nancy, and now I feel a certain pain in my heart, and a void in my life.
In the end I hope she wasn't in pain or suffering. I hope in her last few days she also thought about that special trip.
My hope is she is at peace.
Charlie
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