The End of One Chapter

I am in my last few days at my current store - BlueMile. It has been a series of mixed feelings for me as I wrap things up. For starters I have an outstanding staff. No matter what has been thrown at them(and they have had a lot thrown at them), they have responded the best possible way. They have endured ownership change twice. They have seen people they loved working with come and go. They have shifted to a different tone. Change isn't always easy, but I have done my best to make it as positive as possible for them, and they responded well.

My departure did not come as a surprise, as my staff knew I was looking for new challenges. They are very excited for me, and still saddened that I'm leaving. I feel the same way. Still they have carried on with their usual professional attitude and positive outlook.

I am so appreciative of staff past and present who have made my job fairly easy. I was lucky to have three assistant managers during my years who were some of the best people I could imagine working for me. Angela, Paul and Jason are all great people. I respect and admire them. I'm also proud of the careers they have started for themselves. I'd like to think I did my best to prepare them for what lies ahead in their respective careers.

Melissa, Angie, Greg, Frank, Brandon Allison, Debbie, Joy and Marlo are my current staff, and they are amazing. Some staff you have to hand hold. While this may be true in the training stages, if you are good at training, you should never have to hand hold a staff member. These folks know their jobs, and to be honest could run the store themselves(though I won't recommend that).

I am glad to have worked with my fellow managers, as we have shared some experiences that only other managers could understand. You are good people, and I will miss that camaraderie.

There are people who are no longer with BlueMile who I owe a huge debt to - Janet, Gareth, Justin, Derek, Bradley and Michael are people I relied on for support and encouragement when I needed it. Their departures left a void, which to be honest just could not be filled. I would work with these people a millions times over. They are that good.

My initial goal when I came to Indianapolis was two-fold. One was to have the chance to move up to a manager position. Second was the chance to work with a running hero of mine, Bob Kennedy. Done and done. I am forever grateful for the chance to prove I could manage a store successfully. I am also so happy that for a time I got to work for Bob Kennedy. He is a man who knows what the future of running specialty is, and is smart enough to get people on board who can fulfill that vision.

So the end of this chapter means a new one is about to begin. During conversations for my new job I was initially told this was a lateral move. No, it isn't. This is a chance to take what I have learned in 7+ years in running specialty and start something new, in a new city. I see nothing but positive in this.

Providence Running Company will be a clean canvas, and I am eager and excited to created some art on it. I have always believed a running store should be the center of a running community, and now I get to create that center.

Again, much love and thanks to my BlueMile family. I carry all you have shared with me, and I hope to pass all that on in my new adventure.

Charlie

The Move: New England

In December I will be celebrating two milestones. First will be my eighth year in running specialty. Next will be my new adventure. We are moving to Providence, RI so I can work in a running store there. This will be a truly exciting adventure as it's a new store, so I feel I will have a blank canvas to work with, and create something special. I can't go into details, but trust me this will be great stuff.  So now Mark and I begin our packing and our figuring out where to live, etc.

I'm going to enjoy getting to know the Providence running community. There are major colleges in the town, and I know there are more than a few running groups. I also have New England to explore, including a little two about an hour away called Boston.

Over the next month, I will also look back at my time in Indianapolis. I have wonderful running memories here, and treasure them.

For now though, we are looking ahead to the next adventure.

Charlie

I Don't Get It

Occasionally I talk with someone who tells me they don't get running. Yes, someone in my store, being fit for shoes will tell me they don't get it. They've heard about the high runners get. They've heard about the joy it can bring(sounds like they read this blog). Still, they don't get it.

This week I spoke with a woman who is certainly giving it her all. She's been running since June. She wanted to lose weight, and her daughter encouraged her to run. The daughter runs, and is planning on a 5K with the mom. So this woman is doing her best to do a 5K with her daughter.

She asked me when is she "supposed to get it." I told her, and will tell you all, there is no easy answer for that question. Running can mean different things to different people. The high some runners get can be due to any number of reasons, which may not have to do with running.

I've written extensively on the joy running brings me(including a post last week). So I tried to explain to this woman what running does for me. I could tell she still looked a bit perplexed. So I brought it to something she could understand.

I asked her why her daughter runs. She told me it's just something she's always done. I asked if the daughter enjoyed it. "Oh yes," she said, "she's run since middles school and loves it." I found how to get through to her. I suggested maybe her daughter just wanted to share something she loves with her, and have a bonding or shared experience. Maybe this was a way the daughter wanted the mom to feel connected to her.

You can assume, and you be correct, that a light went on in the woman's head. She hadn't thought of that. I told her she may end up not liking running, or maybe not experience that high. She will, though, experience a moment with her daughter that they can talk about for years.

I told her my sister doesn't run, but my wonderful memory is her being out on the course for my first half marathon, and then meeting me at the finish. She didn't have to run with me, but I still shared that moment with her. It's one of my best running moments.

I told her running itself is right foot, left foot, repeat. What gives us the feelings are the moments we live through while running.

The woman bought new shoes, socks, and went away with a new appreciation for what her running was for. Maybe she got it.

Charlie

A Joyful Run

Today was one of those days you just feel joyful running. Temps were in the 50s and the sun was shining. I was on the Monon Trail, with Fall colors coming through. I liked everything about my run. I liked the pace. I felt at ease. Runners and I exchanged plenty of hellos. Days like this are what give me so much joy running.

I headed south from the Monon Center, and got to 96thSt, and then headed back. Seems simple enough. Of course, I take nothing for granted, nor do I find it simple. A heart attack make you think about your running a bit more. You think about how you are feeling quite a bit. I felt great.

While I was out there, I thought about what I want to accomplish over the next year of running. First step is to run a bit more. I try to do 3 days a week. I would like to get to 4 days a week. Next, I want to enter a 5K. I can do it at this point. This time next year, I would like to do a half or full marathon. That will be more of a process, but if I build a good base/foundation now, there is no reason I can't.

Making these goals brought me even more joy today. All in all, a great day running.

Charlie

Review Time: Hoka Clifton and TomTom Runner Cardio

There are a couple of items I'm excited about reviewing. I haven't reviewed running items in a while. Then again, running hasn't been a priority until recently.

FYI - today I ran 4 miles. Yes, 4 miles. That is officially the longest I have run since my heart attack in July. I felt terrific!!!

On today's run I got to try two different items. I ran in a pair of Hoka Cliftons and I used TomTom's new Runner Cardio GPS. Yup a twofer!

First let's look at the Cliftons. This is a very lightweight shoe from Hoka, masters of the maximally cushioned shoes. I have run in the Bondi, and have tried out the Conquest. The Clifton is a lighter, smoother version of Hoka. First thing I noticed once I slipped on the shoes was how incredibly light these shoes are.

Don't mistake lightness for lack of cushion. This shoe has a lot of cush to it. I felt nothing but a cushy feeling every time I took a step. I also felt freer moving in this shoe. I didn't feel like I was using a lot of effort in the Clifton.

Now, here's the deal. I wear a size 8.5 4E. This is a D width, but it can accommodate my foot for a time. I don't know if I would run a marathon in it, but I could do 5Ks with this shoe. It is very snug, close to be tight, but not there. This should tell the average medium width foot person that there is plenty of room in this shoe. I really enjoyed running in this shoe quite a bit. John, the Hoka rep is loaning me these shoes for a few weeks. They are testers he uses, and he came by my store last night for a fun run. I got more Hoka info, and really feel this is a strong brand with some great shoes.

Garmin has long been the king of the GPS and Polar has ruled the Heart Rate Monitor world. Here comes TomTom to take them both on with their Runner Cardio GPS.
This GPS has a built in HRM with no strap for your chest. The HRM is part of the wrist piece. An infrared sensor monitors the blood flow in your wrist to let you know your BPM. Because I am now an expert on my heart, I know what I've been doing in rehab and the gym, and let me tell you this HRM is pretty darned accurate.

The GPS is easy to use. There is one button that you can use to toggle around and make your settings before you go. Whether you are going on a run, hitting the treadmill, or just needing a stopwatch, this computer can do what you want it to.

During the run, it's easy to toggle and see your real time pace, overall pace, heart rate, miles, etc. The face is big enough to read at a glance. The computer looks bulky, but I found it comfortable. One of the features I haven't tried yet is race pace, where you can race against a previous run, and you can see how you compare.

All the info can be downloaded and you can keep track of it all on TomTom's website. This GPS is $269.99. There is a multi-sport version for your biking and swimming needs as well for $300. I think this piece is worth the price.

www.hokaoneone.com
www.tomtom.com

Charlie

What Do I Love About Running?

This morning I helped a woman who is trying running for the first time. I asked her how it was going so far. She told me she hasn't felt that "high" everyone keeps talking about. She then asked, "What do you love about running?"

I smiled, and I told her it was a pretty long list. Specifically I told her, I love the peace that running gives me. I love to be able to run in beautiful spots that take me to nature....or I find some coolness in the city. I love the fact I can clear my mind, or really think about things with no interruption. I love the fact that I can just have time for me, and not worry about anything or anyone else for a while. I told her it was "Me" time.

"So you don't get that high?" she asked.

I have, but it hasn't been a feeling of euphoria. It's just been a feeling of normalcy and peace for me.

Now, I have no idea if that was the answer she was looking for, but it's the answer she got. She thanked me for helping her, and told me she hoped she would like it more. I hope so.

Charlie

Isn't It Funny...

This morning I went for a run along the White River. The trail I took was a new one to me. Someone I met this week told me about it, and I thought I would try it. It was a warm morning, with yellow dotting some of the trees, a reminder that Fall is coming. This morning, I decided to listen to a classical playlist. Off I went.

As I run, I usually use the time to think about things, and this morning, I had a lot to think about. I thought mostly about what had brought me to this point running wise. It's safe to say my running has been spotty for the last few years. It certainly wasn't where I wanted it to be. I wasn't making time for running. Ironically, when you work for a running store, you actually don't get to run all the time.

Isn't it funny what a heart attack can do.

I've run more in the last month, than I have in over a year. I could barely run after my failed marathon in Wisconsin last year. Pain, then more pain, then depression set in .

Isn't it funny what a heart attack can do.

To get me geared up about running, I've thought a lot about some of the amazing people I've met in my running career. I've met people who have overcome arthritis, Cancer, stroke, heart attacks, and any other malady you can think of, so they can go right foot, left foot, repeat. I've met some of the great icons in this sport: Dick Beardsley, Ryan Hall, Meb Keflezighi, Dean Karnazes, Bob Kennedy. I've made friends with people who have won races, and have finished last. All of these people have mad an imprint on my life.

If you were to ask me in high school what I would be doing in my 50s, running would not have been anywhere on my list. Winning my Oscars and Tonys would have been what I predicted for myself. You just never know where the road leaves you.

Today on my run, I thought about all of these people and things going on, and what I wanted the road ahead to look like. I came home, and I talked to Mark. I told him that I understood how freaked out he was by my heart attack....I was too. I told him I want to be around for another 40-50 years, but I understand it could all be over tomorrow, so I want to be sure I live each day the best I can. I told him I want grow old with him. I also told him that things had to change in my life in order for all the good things I want to happen. There were some tears. In the end, we agreed that we would change things in our lives to make sure we are happy and healthy, and living the best life we can.

Isn't it funny what a heart attack can do.

I have running goals again. It starts with getting stronger, gaining stamina, increasing miles, and being healthy. My goal is to run at least one more marathon. I know that will take time. I understand the steps to get there. It starts with right foot, left foot repeat, and goes from there. 5Ks will come. Half marathons will be run. I will do 26.2 miles again. I'm determined.

Isn't it funny what a heart attack can do.

This week my longest run was almost 3 1/2 miles. I felt good. I wasn't fast, but I didn't care. I ran. Today's run was 2 miles. It was a beautiful run. Saw plenty of happy people out on the trail. I enjoyed myself and running.

Isn't funny what a heart attack can do. The Heart sometimes has to let you know what's going on, in order to make important changes.

Dear Heart - the next time you have a message for me, could we not make it so dramatic?

Hugs,
Charlie

In Other News.....

The day after my heart attack, I weighed 273 lbs. That only could have given me another heart attack, but it didn't. Today I stepped on the scale, and looking back at me was 253 lbs. Great strides have been made, and more strides to come.

Charlie

Running

Let's talk running. I've talked quite a bit now about my recovery from the heart attack, so let's get back to the running game shall we? I've been running. Am I ready for a marathon? Well....no. Each run has felt like one though, and that's ok.

I've been running about 3 times a week,  ranging between 15. mile and 3 mile runs, depending on how I feel. For the most part I feel good out there. Clearly I don't have a ton of stamina, but that will come with time. Also, I'm not running fast. Again, this is to be expected.

For now I'm not timing myself. I will soon, because I think it's important to know how long I'm out there. I'm not as keen on timing my pace yet. As I have mentioned many times before, there is something very freeing in running without a gadget on your wrist. You don't feel the sense of urgency to hurry up. There's no, "I gotta do a 12 minute mile." I find I enjoy my runs more without worrying about the time. I've long felt each of us should do at least one run a week where we leave the computer/app/watch at home. Try it.

There are two new things I take with me at all times on my run: my phone and my nitroglycerin. I know I just talked about leaving the gadgets at home. This is for emergencies, and it stays in the belt I wear. So I never take it out for anything other than a call for help. The nitro is with me at all times. I need it in case I have the feelings of bad heart things, then I can sit for a few moments take it, and then when I feel better, could walk home, or call someone to help me.

My body feels good for the most part when I'm out there. My left knee has some lingering pain from earlier in the year, but I find that goes away once I get into a groove. I still want it checked out though.

So I am out on the roads again and feeling good. Once I feel I have some solid running under my belt, it will be time to plan my next race.

Charlie

Graduation and Old Men

Today I graduated from rehab. I was given a diploma and a shirt, and was told I was a model patient.  For the last day they have you fill out a bunch of surveys, then they test you. On Day 1 I had to walk as much as I could in 6 minutes. The first day, I walked 1300ft. Today I walked 1490 ft.

So how did I celebrate the end of this part of the journey? I went out for a run. The weather was ideal for a run on the Monon. I did 5K. It was not the fastest 5K, but it was probably my most satisfying. I felt good out there. Every 1/4 mile I took a walk break. No watch, as I didn't care about the time. The goal was to accomplish this run.

As always, I did some thinking. I thought about Al, the older gentleman who used to look out for me on my runs in Chicago. I thought about how I missed his encouragement, and his friendship. I miss his looking out for me, and making sure I'm good on my runs. I'm sure he has passed on by now.

Then I smiled. I have another older man in my life. It's the gentleman I stopped to help who broke his ankle. He comes and spends time with me every Saturday on the Monon as I pass out water. He seeks my advice. Oh, he almost never takes it, but he seeks it, and he likes talking running with me. I should ask if he would like to go for a run sometime. I bet we are the same pace. :-)

I hope when I am older, I will be a runner's old man. I'll be the old guy encouraging, and maybe running with someone who just needs someone to provide a bit of support.

As I finished the run, my goal was to finish strong, and I thought about Al and how he told me I looked good. Well today I looked good. Hope Al was watching.

Charlie

10 Weeks Since....

Tomorrow is my last day of rehab. Today it's 10 weeks since my heart attack. Not a day goes by where someone asks how I'm doing or feeling. Today I'm good. In the last 10 weeks I've had good and not so good moments.

What gives me a lot of hope is the progress I've made. Today I ran 2 miles. I even ran negative splits. I ran the first mile in 16:45 and the second mile in 16:32. Today's run was on a treadmill, but I am about to transition to more outdoor running. As we head into Fall, I'm glad to be heading out during my favorite time of year.

I've learned a lot about the people in my life these past 10 weeks. I've learned rises to the occasion to help someone in need. I've also learned about those who don't really know what to do. Those are the uncomfortable ones. It's easy to blame them for not stepping up, but in the end, not everyone has the ability to help. I'm not mad at them. I feel more sorry for them, because at some point, they will need some help, and may not understand why no one is helping.

I've learned I have to really dig deep and depend on myself to get through this. Now this is not a smack against all the people who help. It means, I am the only one who can make myself stronger and healthier.

One of the things I am proudest of is re-learning about food. I enjoy cooking. Healthy food doesn't mean it tastes bad. You have to learn how to make it tasty.  My sister, Anne and I have exchanged meal ideas and photos of our meals. That's helped me quite a bit. I have also enjoyed reading the various recipes I want to try. Still looking for that magic low sodium pizza though.

So the last 10 weeks have been a learning curve, and I still have more learning to do. I know there will be bumps in the road....afterall that is life. Still I'll take the bumps, over not being here.

Charlie

16:27

Yesterday I went to the gym for a workout. My goal was to run some and bike some. The run was my main focus.

I've been slowly building my speed and stamina in rehab, and yesterday I wanted to see what I could do. Overall I was pretty pleased with what I did. I ran 1 mile in 16:27. Now to the untrained eye, someone might say, hey there are folks that run much faster. True, but considering what I have been through since July, I think 16:27 is like a 4:00 mile.

I felt good at the end of the run. I could tell I worked hard, which is one thing they want me to do in rehab. So on a scale of 1-10, 10 being way too hard a workout, I think I did an 8. More importantly I lived to tell about it.

I transitioned to the bike, where I pedaled a nice 3.62 miles. At the end of the workout, my legs felt like they had been through a bit.

Overall I really good workout. This morning in the weigh in - 255 lbs. Down 18 lbs since the heart attack.

Charlie

Greetings, Bikes and a Run

This morning my friend Kris and I ventured out on the Hagen-Burke Trail, towards the Monon for a run. To be fair, the run part is a work in progress. Still we trotted down the trail.

The trails were busy today. Lots of people on bikes were zipping by with the words, "On your left," ringing in our ears. The other thing we heard over and over again was greetings. People kept telling us hello, good morning, etc.. Lots of friendly folks on the trail today. It made for a friendly and happy re-etnry to running outside.

My running has consisted of a few minutes here and there on the treadmill for a couple weeks. Today I wanted to actually go somewhere. I knew the pace would be slow, and the miles wouldn't matter. The watches stayed at home. There was no GPS in sight, and off we went.

Basically we ran until I felt I needed to walk, then we would run again. Overall we covered about 2 miles. We walked a majority of it, but the running felt good. It made me feel like something normal was coming back to me slowly.

It's the feeling of normality which is very important to me at this point. I understand what the limitations are at this point in time. I understand what the process is to be healthy. No one really explains how to feel normal about this. For me running is a part of feeling normal again.

There will be other runs, but it all starts with a first real run.

Today was a good start, and I look forward to more runs.

Charlie

The Unknown

I was talking with someone at work the other day, and they asked me, as far as heart issues goes, what am I afraid of. I think it's the unknown. They looked at me a bit puzzled, but let me explain.

When you cut yourself, you can, over time see that it's healed. If you break a leg, you have a cast which indicates the bones are in the process of healing. A heart is different.

There it sits inside my chest, and I don't know what it's doing. I don't know what the arteries are doing. When I am aware of something wrong, I think it's a bit late. So there is a lot I have to do to make sure I have a healthy heart. Still, because it hides inside me, and there is nothing visibly showing(not that I want that), I worry about the unknown.

For those who have wondered, I am doing fine for the most part. I have had a couple episodes when I have had to take the nitroglycerin, but am fine. Rehab is going well. I have not run since last week, but I'm not in a rush to do that.

As for that old nemesis stress, I am working on reducing it. That is the toughest thing I have to do. Ironically, it can be a bit stressful to reduce stress. Overall, I feel pretty good. I just worry about the unknown.

Charlie

The Road to Recovery: Running

This morning when I checked in at rehab, they asked me if I was ready to ramp things up a bit. I told them I was game and ready to go. Typically this is the routine in rehab: stretch, walk two laps around the room, do resistance training for a few minutes, 15 minutes of cardio, resistance, 15 minutes of cardio, stretch and cool down walk. Today the cardio was back to back, and I could run.

Just to be clear, this is all being monitored, and no, I wasn't running like I used to. This was intervals on the treadmill, strapped to monitors, with the blood pressure check. My walk interval was 3.1mph, my run interval was a 3.6mph, which in terms of time per mile is walking at 18:45 min/mile, and running 16:45 min/mile. I would do one minute walk, and one minute run.

I was nervous as I started. I hadn't run in months, and now I was running after a heart attack. When I switched to the run part of the workout, I felt like I had been cut loose. No blazing speed, but I ran. Of the 15 minutes, I ran about 6 minutes. They asked me to stop at one point, because the monitors were not sending accurate readings, so they had be stop running, and do some brisk walking. Still I ran.

I didn't feel any tightness in the chest. I felt my heart beating, but it wasn't bad. My blood pressure went from 122/64 to 140/66. All was good.

This was an important step in my recovery, and an important step for my mental well being.

The rehab folks asked how I felt at the end, and I told them great. With that, I got a thumbs up and a "See you tomorrow" from them.

Today was a great step on the road to recovery.

Charlie

It's What You Do

Over the last month and some odd days, I've had a bit of time to think about life; who we are, what we do, how we live. During this time, I've also read a lot about things going on in the world, and the reactions to the trouble and tragedies out there. Concerning is an understatement in how I feel about the state of the world.

We are living in a troubled time. In the world wars are being fought in the name of religion, when it truly isn't the case. At home, we are living through an ugly period, where the poor get blamed for being poor, the color of our skin still divides us, who we love is challenged, selfishness is celebrated and lack of reason and clarity seem to be ruling the day.

So as I'm recovering from this heart attack, I'm thinking about how I live and what my place in the world is. I wonder about my quality of life, and am I really living my life. Once I do that, a lot of the negative things are put in perspective, and I find I want to do better for myself.

Work has been a source of stress, and this week I was challenged quite a bit. You wouldn't think that would happen on the first week back from a heart attack, but it was. I listened to a good number of unhappy people talk to me about what they don't like about their jobs. I saw a lot of sadness. I was recipient of actions taken by someone I think is pretty miserable at this time. Typically I would get upset too. I didn't this time.

This time I thought about how sorry I feel for them. I thought about how the sadness going on could be overcome. I felt pity towards the person who wasn't good to me. I also felt a certain amount of powerlessness, because I can only control my actions and how I live, and couldn't help these people.

The overriding thought during the recovery has been, it's about what you do with your life. That is what counts. Do you enjoy life? Does what you do bring meaning to you? Are you good to other people? I am more aware than ever that we have a finite time on this planet. This is our shot(unless you are a big believer in reincarnation). We waste so much time being angry, laying blame, being bitter,  reliving past mistakes, we forget those actions use up an incredible amount of energy.  We would be so much better off, if we could live more in the present, and what we are going to do, then look back, have regrets, and cling to the bad. It's what we do with our lives that makes it better. It really is.

Charlie

Part of the Community

Today was the end of week 1 at work. Saturdays are the days we coach the training program out of our store. The runners/walkers head out for a long run, depending on what they are training for. I go out on the Monon Trail and provide water. This is one of my favorite part of my job, because it really connects me to the running community.

The runners were happy to see me back at work. Some knew of the heart attack, others didn't. I talked for a few minutes before they headed out about how important running had been to my health, and why I believe the heart attack could have been much worse if I hadn't been a runner.

I was on the Monon with the water. Runners were going by; some would wave at me, or give a shout out. Others would eye me suspiciously(why is there a guy with water out on the trail?). My runners were happy I was out. It gave them a chance to rest, ask questions, chat, etc.

At one point an older man came up to me. "Charlie!" he shouted. "I'm so glad you're here. I've wanted to talk to you for a long time now, "he said.  I've written about this gentlemen in the last year. In fact it was almost a year ago.

http://running-with-coffee.blogspot.com/2013/09/being-good-samaritan-cost-long-run.html

This was the man I had seen during my run, sitting on the Monon, cradling his foot after a fall. No one had stopped to help him, so I stayed with him until his wife came to get him. I hadn't seen him since that day.

Today he was walking up to me, clearly better. He told me he had broken his ankle that day. It took him a few months to heal. Now he can run, but he isn't running 6-10 miles like he had in the past. Now he's good for 3-4 miles.

He wanted to thank me for staying with him that day. He thought it was a big sacrifice on my part, because I was doing a long run that day, and stopped to help him, thus ending my run that day. I told him I was happy to do it, and was just shocked no one had stopped to check on him.

The conversation turned to shoes and running in general. Towards the end of the talk, he told me he has always appreciated my help, and sends people to see me all the time. He was kind enough to tell me he thinks of my store and me as an important part of the running community. I thanked him, and prepared to take down my water table. He asked if I was going to make this a Saturday thing. I told him I always do. He asked if he could hang out with me some Saturday. Absolutely.

The running community is an amazing community of support. I wish all aspects of it were as nice, but no community is a utopia. It was a good morning though.

Charlie

Stress and How We Deal With It

This is my challenge as I strive towards better health - how do we deal with stress? Deep breathing seems to be a popular suggestion, though if I take too many more breathes,  I think I'll get a reputation for having asthma.  Today yoga was suggested. I've done yoga before, and I get why people finding it meditative, I don't. I read of a T'ai Chi class at the hospital, but I don't think standing in the "Repulse Monkey" pose is for me. The life coach recommended reading the Bible. I always view the Bible as a textbook, and not a curl up and relax book.

One of my staff told me we can never achieve a stress free life. Even if we were to live on a tropical island paradise, something would stress us out. My response was we live in a society where we live to work. I want to be able to work to live.

I'm not able to talk about the stress I have at work, but it's substantial. So how do you handle the day to day stress, and keep a job? There's the puzzle.

Good friends have given advice. Oddly enough, lawyer and psychologist were not suggested. Plugging away appears to be winning. How far to you plug though until you risk another heart attack? Is it worth it? More to the puzzle.

I wish I could tell you I got a warm welcome back to work, but it wasn't what I thought it would be. I was dealt with....for lack of a better term...crap. So it's hung with me all day. I've spent most of the evening in the bedroom, because I just don't want to deal with things.

I had a long talk with Mark. He gave me hugs. He utter obscenities(not about me). He cooked a pork chop dinner(no applesauce). He was the good partner.

Friday is by my side. She occasionally looks at me, gives me a lick now and then. She's a good dog.

Tomorrow is another chance to do better. I was told in the hospital, and I think this is how I will have to deal with stress. It isn't one day at a time, or even one step at a time. It's one moment at a time.

Charlie

A Month Since.....

It has been a month since I had my heart attack. To say it's been quite a month would be a gross understatement. It's been a learning experience on many levels. First and foremost, I re-learned that our bodies are precious, and we need to take care of them, listen to them, and do right by them. This is what we have and the only life we get(though I still want to come back as an Olympic Athlete next time around).

A crisis like this brings out different things in different people. Some people get incredibly brave and strong. Some retreat and are never sure what to do. Others just go with the flow of the moment, and can be there if you need them. I've encountered all three of these types in my recovery.

We have a tendency  to take friendships and relationships of any kind for granted. Then you get a heart attack, and you have time to really think about the people in your life. For the last month I've gotten so many well wishes, acts of kindness, hugs, kisses, notes, texts, in short - I've gotten a lot of love. There are people out there who I had never met before the heart attack, who have shown me much kindness. If I have enjoyed anything about this ordeal, it's the love I have felt.

In thinking about the people in my life, I have to say, I have one of the more eclectic, loving group of friends a person can have. I've said this, and I will say it again, the friends we make each represent little parts of ourselves. Everyone in a situation like this says this, and it is a cliche, but there is so much truth when it is said, "I'm the luckiest person alive to have such wonderful people in my life."

The rehab has been quite the experience. Being the youngest one in the rehab center(of late), I see people a lot older than I am, in a lot worse shape. I'm very fortunate to get the care and treatment I needed as soon as possible, or this could have been much worse.

Still I enjoy the people watching in rehab. There are the 70somethings talking business. There is the woman who works out when I do, and all she does is walk on the treadmill and watch the Today Show. There is the African-American man who calls me buddy, and tells me I look serious, and I mean business. I just smile and nod in agreement. There are the nurses on duty who are absolutely wonderful and attentive. It's fun to watch this all unfold three times a week.

When you have a heart attack, you have to change your lifestyle. I am no exception. Even though I've been a runner, there are still things to I need to do. Sodium seems to be the Devil. They told me to keep my sodium intake to under 2000 mg a day. If My Fitness Pal is correct, I have kept it closer to 1500. I've noticed I don't feel good if I have close to 2000 mg.

The diet I eat, which is different from being on a diet, is an adventure. Fruits and veggies are the key. Meat is limited. Portions are everything. Creativity is a must. In this respect I have turned into my mother. I always love reading cookbooks, now I not only read them more attentively, I am writing recipes down, and cutting out recipes from Bon Appetit. I'm creating a notebook of recipes like mom had.

Farmers Markets are my friends. This is fun. If you have a market in your town - go. If you don't seek one out and go. These are fun, and they open the possibilities to what you can make. The produce is so much better from these markets than the grocery store. The people who sell the produce are so friendly. I am a Farmers Market lover. For the record, this year's sweet corn is like eating sugar off the cob. I've never had such sweet corn in my life.

If I have one obstacle in my way, it's stress. This is the leading factor which led to my heart attack. I have lots of it. I've joked the two places I have stress are home and work. The challenge  is to figure how to cope and manage the stress of things. I don't always talk about the issues when they come up. I keep quiet. I've decided to be a bit more vocal, and get things out of me. I doubt this will go over well, but not saying something keeps it inside you, and that isn't always good.

I have to pick and choose my battles. The ones I don't choose, I have to let go. This is tougher at work, because there are a lot of battles. Usually they are around the same theme. This will be a toughie. Any ideas?

Ok, I don't want to write a novel today. I did want to get some thoughts on the last month out. I will end with this.... I go back to work next week. I'm nervous about it, because I don't know how it will go. Fear though can't hold me back. I have a strong support system with all of you, and if I need a Brute Squad, I got plenty of people to call.

Charlie

There are Down Days

Yesterday wasn't a good day.  The day was promising enough, I went to the gym. That's where it began to go downhill. I was going to do 45 minutes, but I found I got tired. So I worked out for 30 minutes instead.  I didn't feel good like I normally do after the gym, but I thought it would pass.

I dropped by work to talk to my assistant manager. He will be on vacation the day I return to work, so I wanted to talk about things going on, so I'm not lost(or too lost) on Day 1. That went fine, but I noticed as we spoke about my boss, my chest started to feel tight. I did as was suggested and sat down for a bit, and that made it feel better. Still I just didn't feel good.

As the afternoon wore on, I felt the tightness come and go. Mark came home in a bad mood from work. Seems he had a bad day too. So the mood at home wasn't great. I felt the elephant sitting on my chest though, and I thought, "Ok, I better take some nitroglycerin." Not a wonderful feeling in the mouth, I must say.

I went into our room, and laid down for a bit, and let the nitro do it's thing. In about 15 minutes I was breathing better. I didn't feel as flush and the tightness was gone.

There was a good thing for the day. I got socks! My good friend Jen Rudd sent me three pairs of coffee themed socks. Now really what is there not to like about that. Jen is a doll, and I clearly need to go spend time with her in California(never fear, I haven't packed nor am I on my way).

Everyone with heart disease has down days. This was simply my first down day since the heart attack. Today is rehab, and I'm going to discuss this with the therapists. I'm also going to hope today is a better day.

Charlie